Agents and Their Shit Books

by: bradashlock

Jul 06


Writers will find a slew of new books designed to help (exploit?) self-publishing authors written by our good friends, literary agents. I can imagine them in their offices wondering how they can jump on the Amazon bandwagon and make some money to make up for the thousands of dollars they may be losing due to independent publishing. They’ve published this big name, and that big name, for twenty-five years, and now here they are, ready to suddenly try to help you, aspiring author, navigate the new frontiers of e-books.


They’re leaches. They are everything that was wrong with the publishing industry before the revolution. And now they’re sticking their big noses into the one sphere where we do not want or need them: self-publishing.


How many times was Stephen King rejected before an agent took him on? Rowling? Harry Potter was rejected 20 times, if I remember right. Every big name was an almost no-name. How many great authors were crushed under the system these agents sucked blood through the past twenty years? How many awesome books were rejected because of these bastards?


And now they lurch out of the sewers, proffering their bullshit how-to books on Amazon. They don’t care about you, writer, they never did. They don’t care about art, or story—they only care about money. I’m so shocked.


I’ve read many of these agents’ “how to write a novel” books, and most of them are terrible. Why? I don’t know… maybe because… these fuckers doling out advice never wrote anything interesting in their entire goddamn careers? Could be.


Sour grapes. I am a self-published writer, struggling at that, whose first novel was not picked up by any agents. I came close with an agent in New York, but my book was seen as “too experimental” and the wrong “genre” for that flavor of the month. Maybe they were lying and just thought it was a bunch of bullshit, I don’t know.


That’s fine. I came to them, and I asked for their help and advice. That was the process back in 2009 when I wrote The East Croglin Horror. But now I don’t come to them, I go directly to the public via Amazon.


So stay out of our sandbox.


You left enough turds in your own.